But...I love the cookie...

For anyone who has seen this movie. I am Hammy the Squirrel when it comes to sugar. I just shouldn't have it. It makes me nuts. I had a cookie today and it let the sugar bugs out of the bag and now I can't stop them, I just have to ride it out like a junkie.

At least I counted all of the points (8) and didn't play any sneaky W2 games with it. (ie: I didn't eat the crumbs, clearly that's where half the calories are)

If you haven't seen Over the Hedge, you must. Little animals wired up on junk food. Best of all are the digs at suburban life and you must pay attention to the song lyrics at the end.

Weight Watchers...AGAIN

I've joined Weight Watchers...again. This time its WW online. Hopefully it will make me more mindful of what I'm eating and force me to plan things out better. That's the theory anyway. The reality is this would be about the 5th time I've done WW so forgive my skepticism. This timeits less about vanity and more about health so maybe that will be the thing that makes it work this time.

There's alot of advice out there telling people to tell themselves that they are special all of the time. I know I am a unique human being and I provide value to society. I get that.

However, it doesn't change the physical reality that I am 50lbs above the upper range for my height according to the BMI. That's a whole lot of special. In fact, I think I've told myself I'm so special for so long that I began to believe that it was ME. I'm just a little chunky. Obviously this is a toddlers' size XL. At a certain point even I have to admit that I'm not so special that I can't pull off an extra 50lbs. It doesn't look good or feel good on anyone.

So, for the purposes of this exersize, (and JUST this exersize), I am humbly submitting some of my special uniqueness in order to accept that physically I am just another blob of flesh, fat and bone like the everyone else, subject to the simple, universal equation of calories in, calories burned = weight lost or gained. I'm not big boned, there's nothing wrong with my metabolism, I dont' require any more or less food or exersize than other human beings of my age/height / gender.

"Master being average before you worry about being extraordinary."

SOLD! To the crazy lady who already has too much stuff!

Yesterday my neighbor and I went to an auction - a real one with a guy who talks faster than you can think and bidding wars and lurking antique dealers who will rip deals from your hopefull little fingers, and lots of ridiculous deals. An entire dining room set - 6 chairs, table and buffet and hutch went for $350.

My solid mahogany dining room table came from an auction ($50), my wedding jewellry came from an auction...its a cool way to find stuff that you won't find in your neighbors house because you all shop at the same store.

So yesterday I bought a painting that I love. Its of a peaceful scene that looks like rural Ottawa in late summer with just a glimpse of the river with sailboats peeking through the trees. I'm sure it wouldn't get any ooh's and aahs from Antiques Roadshow, but for less than a mass produced Ikea poster, I have original art that means something to me, of a place I recognize and it invokes a feeling. It came in a nice gold carved frame too.

I also bought a 'midcentry' dresser and nightstand that I'll be using for a sideboard and plant stand. Its solid wood with dovetail joinery and it cost $5 for both.

I've never really had the means to go out and buy a whole room of matchy matchy stuff. I remember going into people's new homes and feeling jealous of all of their new stuff that all went together and looked like a show home. So, my ecclectic style has always been out of necessity, but, an interesting twist is now that my husband and I actually could have the show suite, I don't really want it. We have a blend of old and new. It looks cool. When I stood back and looked at my dining room last night, I was pretty happy with it.

The problem however, is the deals are so good that my basement is now filling up with good stuff and I am running out of room. I don't want to let any of my deals go, just in case we buy a house, and what if we have a cottage down the road and I kick myself for throwing out a bedframe? What if someone NEEDS that? If we buy a house this year I will have some tough choices to make.

Alternative Medicine Here I Come

So yesterday was my second visit with a naturopath. Very interesting. When you go to see a regular doctor, there is a sign on the wall that limits the amount of complaining you can do and you wait for 3 hours and then get herded out with a prescription that promises mild side effects like upset stomach, nausea, diarehha (<-I can never spell that), vomiting, headache and in some cases, irreversable death. Isn't that what I went in to get rid of ???? Anyway. I ramble. The naturpath was all on time and perky and she has prepared a 7 page booklet for me based on my specific issues with all kinds of suggestions and alternate suggestions if I don't like those suggestions. She had lists of places to go to find all of the stuff, where I should eat out to stick to my plan. She explained everything, let me ask questions and I left with a bunch of homeopathic remedies, had a REALLY big B12 shot, which always makes me feel zingy and good the day after and most of all, some hope that I can kick sugar and feel well and keep my gut from sounding like the plumbing in our 100 year old house. I'm a newlywed. Gas just isn't sexy. In December I had 'Vega Testing" done to see if I had any food insensitivities and the list was huge. Basically I'm not supposed to eat anything. Avoiding things like eggs, wheat sugar and corn are a challenge. Especially when in a perfect world I could live on a diet of Joe Louis and Flaky pastries, washed down with a diet coke. Instead, I have given up pop, which is huge for me. 6 weeks and counting. This weekend I have to scout out a gym to go start pounding the treadmill so I have at least a chance of doing this half marathon madness in May with my sisters in law and I need to find a jingly hip scarf for belly dancing. My husband' s company's 'Winter Party" is on Saturday which last year involved a buffet, so that should be interesting, and I'm going to a good ol' country auction on Sunday. I seem unable to come home from one of them without at least something.

Holy Cow, I'm a Cow.

I weighed myself this morning and what a sad sad story it is.

This is officially the fattest I have ever been. I got on and off the scale and shook it to make sure it wasn't shitting me. I said I wasn't going to worry about the scale, just how my clothes fit but I guess that doesn't work when all your clothes have stretch in them.

I was shopping on the weekend and kept trying things on and complaining to my friend that they are making clothes smaller and smaller these days and obviously I have zero self awareness. I am a couple clicks into the "Obese" section of the BMI chart. ! That's not just a little chunky or a couple weeks of too much turkey. I've let myself go.

Now that I have a more critical eye, I don't even recognize my own body sometimes when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror. Who is that chunky frumpy lady?

Now, to put things in perspective, the highest "Normal" weight on the BMI chart represents the weight I was at 16 - I wasn't even fully cooked yet.

But still. To just be at my 'comfortable in my own skin' weight, I have about 37 lbs to lose. Its going to be hard.

Belly Dancing Wife

So, its been awhile since I blogged - I forgot my password and username. I am not one of these people who goes on holidays and checks the work email just in case. I am the type of person who flushes their brain clean and forgets my passcode to get into the building and I get locked out of my computer because I try every known variation of my old cat's name to try and get the right password and I forget people's names. But I digress.

<- This is not me in this picture.

I have signed up for belly dancing classes. I have had two classes so far. Love them. Its brilliant. For anyone who is interested in a way to trick yourself into exersizing and let all your mid-life gut hang out in a fun, warm, accepting environment, this is the place for you too. My class is two hours long and by the end my arms are burning, my abs are burning (under all that fat) and my legs are a little jello-y.

There are props and accessories - everyone wears a sparkly, jingly hip scarf, we play with veils and baskets and are currently learning the 'Jungle Dance'. We are encouraged to make our own gaudy costumes from glitter and old prom dresses. The instructor brought in one of hers and we all gathered around it like a bunch of trout looking at a shiny lure. The instructor is a little bit wacky and enthusiastic. She has flaming, messy red hair and she wears all pink all of the time and every item of clothing has a bit of glitter somewhere on it. Its like being taught by a fully grown 4 year old who's been deprived of an audience for awhile.

Thankfully, the classroom has no mirrors, so no one is worrying about what they look like. Most of the other ladies are between 30-50 and there to have fun. The only one who looks really silly in the class is the woman who is fighting it, everyone else just dives in and shakes what they got and its pretty fun.

Here's the basic rules.

• Its supposed to be a little cheesy and silly.


• Only one thing is supposed to jiggle at a time (unless it comes in a pair)


• Smile - no one likes a crabby pants, belly dancers are supposed to be jolly.


• Don't jiggle or shimmy too slow or it looks dirty.


• You must let your gut hang out for some moves to be executed properly.


• Nothing is too shiny, sparkly, noisy or over the top for a costume.

My husband thinks this is a great idea, this belly dancing thing. He was downright giddy when I told him I had signed up for it and runs to the door like a dog when I get home to find out what I learned.

As a treat, I am taking him to a belly dancing extravaganza in a couple weeks. I anticipate will be the cheeziest night out we've ever had, but possibly one of the funnest. It starts with with a big buffet and is followed by a night of belly dancing of all sorts. He's pretty excited.