Saturday, January 26, 2008

Out of 1000 kids, on a Saturday, in Costco, why is mine the only one crying...

Oh, he looks all cute and happy in the picture, but don't be fooled.  This child has a button on his back that sets off the crying mode when he is put down, in a crib, a carseat, in a stroller, in a swing, in a bouncy chair, basically anything except human arms causes him to freak out after five minutes.  The more expensive the recepticle, the louder he cries.

Today we went to Costco and we thought we had tricked him into falling asleep in the carseat.  Lulled into this false state of thank goodnessness, we lollygagged in the electronics section, meandered over to get a hotdog, and have a conversation in public without any nervous tension.

Then, sputter sputter, hiccup hiccup, the wind up started until he was in a full out wail in the food court of Costco.  If you've ever been to the food court at Costco at noon, you will notice there are about 100 kids, tons of noise, and people with carts piled high with cases of olive oil and flat screen tv's.  

So I mistakenly thought hmmm, this breastfeeding thing is going so well, maybe I could discreetly tuck him under my shirt for a little snacky poo over in the corner and no one would notice.  WRONG.  I looked up and I had about 100 pairs of eyes staring at us with our screaming baby.  Even little kids stopped and stared curiously, like we had one of thier people from the planet all babies and little kids come from and they were observing our treatment of their fellow alien.  Grandparents smiled warmly.  People without kids screwed up their faces and looked at us like we were holding something stinky (we were).  Other parents looked at us with sympathy and every woman with a kid over five looked at us with twitching ovaries and a pang of 'oh, maybe just one more to make the jumbo packs from here worth it."

At any rate, a no go on the public breastfeeding, I am not so bold and groovy.  Thank goodness for tinted backseat windows and a nice quiet parking spot or we'd never get out for more than an hour at a time.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

My top rated baby products so far.

On the Go:

Mamankangourou baby wrapper (or Moby or anything similar)  Thousands of tribal women who carry their babies this way can't be wrong. This item is the only reason I get anything done with two arms.  Ever.  It also masks any leftover baby weight when you have a baby still strapped to you.

Maya Sling (easier in and out than the Kangaroo)

Bundle Me Bag.  No snowsuit required.  Just pop them in with a hat and if they fall asleep in the car you can unzip and let them keep sleeping.  Don't EVER, EVER wake a healthy sleeping baby. 

JJ Cole System Diaper Bag (many thanks Livvie).  (Its barf proof, and just big enough to carry everything without being so huge it needs wheels, and a whole compartment in the front for Mummy stuff like keys and a cell phone and wallet)





Clothes and Sleeping Stuff:

Just warm enough, just cute enough and not too bulky.  One of these with a long sleeve onesie makes for really easy diaper changes in the wee hours.

Any outfit that is stretchy, one piece or a onesie and pants.  
Think loungewear.  Unless you have the lifestyle for lots of 'wardrobe' and social events to show off your baby to people who will appreciate the outfits, babies and kids are most comfortable in jogging pants and pajamas.  Gap has nice onesies and jogging pants.

These are a classic item.  Any soft soled leather slipper will do, actually. (Adam has the Gingerbread Men and Bear slippers)

Diapering:

Motherease One Size Cloth Diapers and 

Standard prefolds used with a 'Snappi'. 
Prefolds also make great burp cloths, house rags, shammies, etc...so if the cloth diaper thing doesn't work out there's 101 uses for them.

Huggies diapers and wipes beat Pampers. 
(Costco is WAY cheaper. ($39 for 224)


Eating and Booby Care:
Born Free bisphenol A free bottles
Medela Microwave Steam Bags (for sterilizing stuff)
If you aren't crazy about whipping out your big National Geographic boobs and would like to be discreet, these are great.  They're cute, they're long enough that they don't ride up and thick enough that they suck in all the baby flab and they support the twins nicely without the mono-boob look.  (buy them here on Ebay (new) for 1/2 what they cost in the fancy baby stores... http://stores.ebay.ca/TheNursingNecessities)



Books and Toys

Sandra Boynton Books - Cute pictures, nice short stories.  Another item that can be found easily on Amazon.ca (new or used) for alot less than retail stores like Chapters.


Good old fashioned retro styled rubber squeaky toy that is easy to grip and slobber proof and they can't hurt themselves on if they bonk themselves with it.

Graco Bounce and Swing  If they aren't into the swing right away, you can use the seat as a bouncer / chair.  Anyone who had bought one of these things and scurried home with it full of hope that their kid will love it only to be met with brain splitting screams before it even gets going know this multi-function thing is a good idea.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Who has the time to be that fabulous?

There should be university credits available for watching HGTV.   After a year of this I should at least have a design degree and a real estate license with the amount of shows that are on.  


I've been taking in ALOT of HGTV, Slice network makeover shows, cooking shows, basically making a "homemaker porn" pig of myself while I'm strapped to the rocking chair nursing an infant who has the appetite of an entire football team.

The reason why I call it 'homemaker porn' is because like the more traditional porn, alot of it is total fantasy.

Design Shows....
Surprise! You open the door and have a couple of magical design fairies (literally and figuratively) throw budget to the wind and renovate your entire house without any input from you or your partner?  I know it would be a fantasy of mine to do whatever I wanted in the house without consulting my husband.  I don't know about most men but mine certainly would want a say in what was done in the house, especially if it meant ditching the ceiling fan and the lazy boy for a tiny armless white settee juxtaposed against a wasp inspired yellow and black floral flocked wallpaper.  The big drama is always "Will they get it done in time?"  As if that is actually drama in the real world where you're satisfied if you can get around to fixing the running toilet on the weekend let alone gutting the whole main floor in 3 days.

Makeover shows.
They take a poor tired schmuck with three kids and tuck her arse into some Spanx, give her $200 highlights and some paint and spackle and stick her in a dry clean only outfit.  I would like to see the same woman three months later when she is back in rural Iowa and has had to go back to her local hairdresser who still cuts mullets and does perms and has to recreate the look from the Victoria Principle collection at Wal Mart and stay at home mom budget.  Or when her and hubby head out to the local Boston Pizza all dolled up in a cocktail dress and $500 sparkle heels that the host assured her she could wear 'anywhere'.    Anywhere in Sydney?  Only if you want to get the snot kicked out of you or for the whole town to talk about how your stupid looking shoes (that you can't hardly walk in, by the way) cost more than they get a week on EI.

Cooking shows.
First you need six burners and professional cookware.  And a big KitchenAid mixer.  And alot of counterspace.  And someone to drag out all of the stuff and measure it out into all those neat little bowls and lay them out for you.  And elves to clean up after you.  And a already cooked one in the oven so when you get bored half way through its already done.  And no kids screaming.  Only then can you dream of making the perfect meal for your friends and family, who will ooh and aah in delight.  Last time I checked most kids bitched about anything other than cheese and chicken nuggets.  Most husbands seem to like nice big hearty stuff they recognize.  You can impress your friends, but only if they don't have kids. Ones with kids are used to inhaling their food as fast as they can before it goes cold or someone has a meltdown There are plenty of guys like my Dad who think rice is "chinese food".  Don't even get me started on the fancy place settings.  When I go somewhere and they've whipped out the good dishes and stuff I feel all underdressed.

Dont' get me wrong.  It won't keep me from watching, its just that now instead of striving for all of that, I find myself thinking "who cares?".   Lucikly, there are a whole new crop of  "Get out of Debt"shows, so after you blow all your money and you're too poor to be out there showing off how fabulous you are, you can sit home and learn how to get out of all the debt you put yourself in.  






Sunday, January 6, 2008

Say Hello To My New Boss...

This is my new boss.  

He's the most demanding boss I've ever had.

I haven't been on the job a month and already he screams at me all of the time, tries to eat my boobs, has peed on me several times and I have to put up with all his shit, at all hours of the day and night...

Good thing he's cute.

Uh oh, I can hear him now.  He's with my co-worker, Daddy.